A plea

I want to tear it down.

I am angry, hateful, pissed. I try to deal with it, by talking about the Weathermen, and later with a fiction piece, which is supposed to be the first of a series about a group of modern day Weathermen (except the protagonist is a pacifist who never involves himself in the actual violence despite being completely complicit with it--written by a pacifist with extreme violent tendencies, of course).

I can't see any other way. I briefly toy with the idea of eventually working for Amnesty International or other human rights groups, but what do they really do? Make a few people's lives better for a while, at best, at the cost of deals with devils and many more people's lives worse for longer later. Thus is history. I want to tear history apart.

I want to wake people up. I want to scream and shout and beat them into the ground, and be beaten into the ground, feel blood and sweat mixing on my face, adrenaline and endorphins mixing in my blood. Euphoria and despair and exhaustion. Collapse. Because to create anew, the old must be torn down: Nietzche's tale of the übermensch. But always there is Sisyphus the Joker in the background, reminding me: you will tear it down, and build anew, and tear it down, and build anew, and everything you build will be the same, because it has been built.

I don't like power and I don't want power. I hate the idea of power, shrink away from control and responsibility, from respect and authority, from connection and relation. I don't like equality, either, because equality is numerical, always, just as order and structure and organization and systems are numerical, always, in the end. I want to tear it down. I want to be torn down. I want to tear me down.

It's not about politics. No one can be emotionally invested in the affairs of millions (or more). All crime begins with dehumanization--or, the only crime is dehumanization. Government--objectivity, the removal of bias, rationalism, reason--is based on dehumanization. Prioritizes and emphasizes the removal of the person from the system, leaving the system unto itself. The political is personal, because it has to be for us to care, but it isn't, or we don't want it to be, or it can't be, at the scale that it is. Stop pretending, and live with what we can. Dunbar's number, which is wrong, but what is right?

Words are words, symbols for communciation, empty vessels empty because they are representations and icons, masks, hollow, rather than reality. Opposed to reality, and so they are nothing, or more than nothing, or less. Meaning is a joke, or more, or less; and so on down through the turtles and the dolls inside dolls. In jokes there is hope: in play, in the glee of gesticulation, the relation between peoples that is nothing more and nothing less, because it is all. I want to tear the rest down, and leave that, but I do not know how. I can't. I shouldn't. We have to do it together.